i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
