if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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