I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize