when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
True college students do jello shots in the library
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
