She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
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We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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