9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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