hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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