That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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