There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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