wanna go halves on a baby?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize