So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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