wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
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someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
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I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!