i can juggle bunnies
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride