We're like a lot better than the average bears
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
