So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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