You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
