so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
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If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
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So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha