we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder