He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
