His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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