So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
