the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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