you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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