btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
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I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
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Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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