It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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