HIV tests are more positive than that guy
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
