Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  Only a mothe r could love this liver

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  (518): Only a mothe r could love this liver http://tfl.nu/k0p5
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  (845): View more from New York

  Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap

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  (845): Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap http://tfl.nu/797p
  Replies (19) Good night (718) Bad night (3767) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"

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  (918): My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?" http://tfl.nu/ksw8
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"

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  (215): OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package" http://tfl.nu/jnsz
  Replies (13) Good night (1757) Bad night (4174) Order T-Shirt
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...

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  (906): They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home... http://tfl.nu/s5gn
  Replies (1) Good night (777) Bad night (1824) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house

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  (425): i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house http://tfl.nu/3ff4
  Replies (40) Good night (7722) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.

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  (406): You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it. http://tfl.nu/4hyg
  Replies (9) Good night (1086) Bad night (2545) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?

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  (708): I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer? http://tfl.nu/8pri
  Replies (9) Good night (794) Bad night (1814) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.

  (845): View more from New York

  Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.

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  (607): Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up. (845): Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity. http://tfl.nu/u2xk
  Replies (5) Good night (1806) Bad night (474)
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  (716): View more from New York

  We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.

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  (716): We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures. http://tfl.nu/5q46
  Replies (2) Good night (948) Bad night (306)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.

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  (512): Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway. http://tfl.nu/39nz
  Replies (1) Good night (514) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night

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  (647): i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night http://tfl.nu/8b8u
  Replies (6) Good night (366) Bad night (1169)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.

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  (501): I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it. http://tfl.nu/ipd9
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300

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  (812): Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300 http://tfl.nu/t71x
  Replies (6) Good night (494) Bad night (1315) Order T-Shirt
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.

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  (337): plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock. http://tfl.nu/69tv
  Replies (8) Good night (283) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt

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