Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.