Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.