Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts