He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.