Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?