Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
