Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
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She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
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I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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