i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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