girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Do you have feelings for this penis?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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