my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
True strength comes from lack of pants