why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff