i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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