If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?