she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers