Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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