Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
