You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
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she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
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Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store