That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed