According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
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Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
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He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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