do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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