i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
