Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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