you traded sex for a burrito?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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