i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
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Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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