shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
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As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
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Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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