I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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