i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
