Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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