the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize