Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
