He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?