But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far