You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure