You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
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Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
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You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.