I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on