Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
