i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS