He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.