HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I faked an abortion last night.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Someone shattered a urinal.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.