Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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