I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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